Spent all morning trying to poo. Spent all afternoon trying to pee. I pride myself on performing well under pressure.

Apparently, I can’t expel bodily fluids on demand.

FML.

Yeah, so I am planning on taking a laxative tonight so I can finally hand over that stool sample for my medical exam.

And the medtech agreed to use the drops of pee I managed to squeeze out after three bottles of water and two hours. But not before laughing and making fun of my pee.

Yeah the whole clinic had a laugh.

And not 30 minutes later, on my way home I almost peed on myself. I had to stop and duck into a toilet and peed buckets.

I have never before in my life spent such an obscene amount of time in the toilet.

I have to go take a bath now.

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