Random Realizations

I met up with an old friend a few days ago, and he mentioned to me he was renting his own apartment. It means he has his own room, his own kitchen, and nobody shares his bathroom faucets, nor refrigerator space, nor living room couch… So happy for him, and so envious of him too!!

I am currently sharing one with my college friends. And I’m a very private person, so it’s a bit hard for me. But I enjoy the privacy of my own room – so that’s good enough, for now at least.

The last year has been a lot of fun building up my independence. I used to be a very sentimental person, I kept scrapbooks and photo albums and memorabilia and diaries! But living away from home, I’ve realized that all I really need is a suitcase – which contains my identity papers, a few clothes, some footwear, my toiletries, my data… it’s really all I need. And it feels good to not be attached to anything. Things aren’t important, what’s important are the people you love – and I’ve kept those people close.

And I’ve also realized that I don’t have the patience to play nice with people I don’t really give a damn about. I think it’s making me more antisocial but, really, why put effort into being close with people when you know you’re being fake the whole time. I could attend a party and chug down beer that makes me want to puke, and make fake small talk and play nice and all that. But it’s just too useless, and I could spend my time more fruitfully, and I’m getting too old to care really.

So I just put more effort into being with the people I do like. Some of them I’ve lost touch with across the years – so I am grateful for the holidays, for a little reunion dinner, for a short time to reminisce. (A friend of mine said a few days ago to another friend, “I am happy to see you.” Just like that, and there wasn’t really much they could say, chalk that up to the years in between and no longer having that much in common. But still, the joy was there, and he was just happy to see the other person, that’s all. I felt the same way. I just wanted to SEE these people I missed so much.) There are some people you just really want to see and spend time with, it doesn’t really matter what you talk about. These are the people I want to focus on. And there are some people I really wish I could spend more time with – but some of them are out of the country – I guess the least I can do is keep in touch via email or social networks, though I do wish there could be more.

I’m rambling. But I guess the point is – in 2010, I started to lose attachment to things and be more independent and I started to care less and less about my behavior or people’s feelings. 2010 was about me. And that’s a good thing. :) Here is to 2011 and getting to know myself even better.

new beginning 2011

Comments

  1. I get you. I hate small talk with acquaintances or strangers! But I can talk for hours with friends. See you in March! Miss you! :)