Firstly, please go and read this article by Josh Weed.
Josh is a homosexual, and is a Mormon, and is happily married to a woman named Lolly, and they have a healthy sex life, and 3 beautiful children.
Josh is not bisexual. He is not sexually attracted to females, only to males. But he believes that every choice entails a sacrifice – for example, if he chose to lead a gay lifestyle he would have to give up the Church; if he chose to live his religion, he would have to give up the ability to have a romantic relationship with his same-sex partner. In the end he felt that there were more benefits to marrying a woman – he believed he would be living a life that God approves of, he would have a traditional biological family of a wife and kids, and he happened to truly love Lolly.
Wow. There are some things Josh and I agree on, and there are some things that we don’t.
Let me discuss my biggest issue with Josh’s decision to marry a woman. It’s that – before he even knew he loved Lolly – he had already decided on the path he wanted to take. He knew he was sexually attracted to men, and yet for the sake of his religious beliefs, he decided to sacrifice his sexual happiness to marry a woman.
I think that love is unconditional – and if God truly loved his people – he would let them be happy and be themselves. If a guy grows up to be only attracted to other guys – he can’t help it. Why should God force him to marry a woman if he could never be fully happy with a woman? If having sex with a woman was difficult or even impossible, why would God impose it on a man? I don’t think God is cruel. I’m a Christian myself but I was taught and I believe that God loves all men and women equally, and so for me all the contradictory things written in the Bible are simply rubbish and should not be paid any heed.
So, in fact, I am very disappointed with how Josh decided to live his life. I think if he had let himself be open to the idea that God would still accept him even if he married a man, he might have married a man instead of a woman. Not that that is the better choice for him, but that I just think he should have tried it, because it was the more natural path for him, being that he was gay. I don’t know if he has regrets now, having made the choice to be with a woman and not a man, but he might have those regrets in the future. I just think he should have tried happiness with a man instead of sacrificing his own natural instincts and eventual happiness for God or religion.
Anyway – THAT ASIDE, do I believe Josh is happy? Do I believe he really loves Lolly? Do I believe he has a robust and healthy sex life with Lolly?
On the sex life front, Josh says that sex is about intimacy, communication, genuine love and affection, and that he has a better sex life than most people he knows.
I don’t know. I think sex is sex, and it’s not about love at all, although I agree love makes for better sex. But how can you have good sex with a person you are not attracted to??? (Josh said in the article that he is not attracted to women.)
I mean, I love my boyfriend very much but when I am not attracted to him (sometimes I am and sometimes I’m not), he can forget about having sex with me, and he can definitely forget about me having an orgasm!! If I am not attracted to him but I am having sex with him (sympathy sex), the only way that I can enjoy the sex (and eventually come) is if I think of a person I am actually attracted to at that very moment. Sorry if TMI but I had to explain what I meant.
So I think Josh is lying about this part – that he has a healthy sex life with Lolly. I don’t doubt that he and Lolly have a robust sex life, but either he is thinking about men while doing it or he is actually bisexual, not gay. I think there is no way around it. Homosexuality, after all, refers to SEXUAL ORIENTATION. If you’re a male homosexual, you derive pleasure from having sex with a male and not a female. Period. So I do not think his sex life with Lolly is healthy at all. As a woman, I would not want my boyfriend or husband to be thinking of another person while having sex with me (I know, so hypocritical of me, but it is what it is!).
On the other point, do I believe that Josh loves Lolly? Yes, I do believe this. If he says that Lolly is his true love, I can believe it. How do I know this?
I have always believed that love is unconditional. When you love someone – it is usually not by choice. And if it is true love, then you love the person for all he is, faults and all.
This issue is so personal to me, because my first love was gay. We loved each other in high school. We were 16 when we fell in love. And we were each other’s first love. I believed he was gay. He denied it. He is still in the closet up to now. He kept telling me he loved me. And I believed him with all my heart. I still do – believe that he loved me.
Today, all that remains between us is friendship. We never did get together, mostly because I felt I could not be with him if he wasn’t true to himself. I kept telling him I loved him for who he was and that I did not want to change him – and by that I meant, if he came out as gay, I would love him just the same – and I would accept him if he still wanted me even after coming out. But he never did come out, and I just felt I could not be with a person like that, who could lie to himself like that. I could never be fully comfortable being in a relationship with him. I would be lying to myself as well.
Sometimes, I doubted – no, feared – that he might not love me truly. Add the fact that my friends felt he was gay too, made me feel even smaller because nobody could understand the relationship I had with that person. Looking back, I knew he loved me. In hindsight, I have no doubt.
So yes, I believe Josh and Lolly truly love each other. It happened to me.
And lastly, do I believe that Josh is happy? I think he is. He has a beautiful wife, and beautiful children, and the moral support of his Church, and I think that he feels fulfilled having things go so right for him, in the end.
I am happy for Josh and I am happy that he and Lolly are real, and not a myth. It validates my belief that what I shared with my friend was true love, and what a relief to know that I am not alone.
So count me in, Club Unicorn. :-)
I just wanted to add and clarify, that I am not in approval of Josh and Lolly’s relationship as a template for myself or other people. If I had to make the decision I made about my friend all over again, now knowing it could work out like Josh and Lolly, I would still end it. Because I deserve a relationship where my man both loves me and lusts me. It’s my right as a woman.