Have you ever been placed in a socially awkward situation where you didn’t know what to do? Met this Chinese-Malaysian fellow and his wife the day we set foot in Kota Kinabalu and they were exceedingly nice and accommodating, to the point that it was irritating and overbearing. Never met people like that before.

Here’s how it began. Upon arrival at the hotel, I found we had no wifi access in the basement. So I upgraded from a “standard” to a “superior” room, explicitly stating my need for wifi access at the hotel reception. Receptionist sends this guy to help me. IT Guy says I need to test out my laptop first with their wifi because not all laptops are compatible with the wifi (especially Windows 7 OS and Intel router – which, um, I have). So I take out my laptop and we proceed to the 6th floor and sit right outside the Palace ballroom and I successfully connect. Then IT Guy now says I need to go my 5th floor room and test again, weird. But anyway I do and again, successful. IT Guy explains, it’s because he has to make sure my laptop first recognizes the wifi at the 6th floor because if I am on the 5th, it might not work. I was a bit miffed at all the “testing” I had to do just to get some wifi (why don’t they just make LAN ports available in the rooms if wifi is so troublesome then???). But still, after all his work, very grateful to finally be able to get online, I profusely thanked IT Guy.

During this time of “testing”, IT Guy was very chatty with me and my boyfriend. He mentioned how his wife is Filipina, and how he and his wife often went to the Philippines, lots of small talk. Asked us where we were planning to go, what we were going to do, etc. He suggested restaurants to eat at, activities he recommended. We engaged, as of course it was very nice and welcoming of him. At one point, he asked us to change our itinerary, because he was free during the weekend and would love to do some of the activities with us (so weird for a hotel staff to act like that!). Sometime at the end, IT Guy mentioned that he knew we were arriving, because he would always ask the hotel staff to inform him of any Filipino guests in advance (creepy territory, but again I let it slide). Then IT Guy gave us his calling card and informed us that he got off at 6 and wanted to show us around the city and have dinner with us at the seafood restaurant he recommended.

Me and Gim, we’re very polite, so we didn’t make any commitments but neither did we issue any rejections. We were very noncommittal, because though we did want to go around, we preferred to explore on our own. Especially me, I’m not as social as Gim and I have little patience interacting with people I’m not comfortable with, let alone new acquaintances. So that was that, I thought.

Come a bit past 6 pm, Gim and I decided to go out. We purposely left later because we knew the guy got off at 6pm, and we didn’t want to chance that he’d be there and offer us again a tour or dinner. We walked to Centerpoint (an old mall near the hotel) and towards the seafood place he earlier recommended. Big mistake. Right before crossing towards the restaurant, we saw him there in the parking lot, seemingly looking for us. When he saw us, he gave a big great wave and jogged – almost ran!! – towards us! Then he told us he had asked the doorman if we took the shuttle and was told no, but that we had left the hotel already. So he had taken his car to look for us but couldn’t find us on the road (we had taken the foot path). So he had gone around (in his car) and decided to wait near the restaurant in case we went there. MAJORLY STALKERISH!!! At this point, he was just IT Guy from the hotel – what the heck kind of behavior was this?? I had no idea how to react.

Since he was there and he seemed so very eager to take us around, we just went along, though we dropped lots of hints like saying “I hope we’re not imposing too much!” or “No, no, you don’t have to, really!” or “We’re OK, really!” but it seemed like IT Guy could NOT get a single hint. He asked us where we were going and Gim said to find a money exchanger. IT Guy then said he knows a place where the rate is better but it’s a bit far so why don’t we take a ride in his car? We really tried to back off but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. So we hopped on the back of his car and he dropped us off at the money exchanger. And since he couldn’t park on the street, he said he would just circle around the block while waiting for us to do the transaction. (Side note: it wasn’t that far but it seems a 5 minute walk is already far for the average Kota Kinabalu resident. It’s a small town, so I understand, but I really hate the feeling of being obligated for something I didn’t need.)

After the money exchange, he drove us back to the seafood place and recommended the good items to order, like lobster. He mentioned many times how much he loved lobster. During this time his wife called him on the phone. After, he said she was at home. We didn’t issue an invite for dinner, though it seemed he wanted us to. Then he said his wife was looking for him already and he needed to go back. Relieved we were going to be left alone for dinner, we bid goodbye and then Gim said – and BIG MISTAKE – “You don’t want to join us for dinner? No? OK then have a good one!” We were just being polite!!! You know Filipinos, we try to be so hospitable, sometimes we say things we don’t really mean. He left us, but 30 minutes later and in the middle of our wonderful dinner, the guy returned and now with his wife!! And proceeded to join us for dinner!!! What??? Ugh.

We had a LONG LONG dinner of small talk. After maybe 2 hours (it felt like 4), we were finally done. Bill came and it was freakingly expensive!!! We knew it was going to be, after ordering clams and lobsters and tiger prawns, but it was even more expensive due to the additional order of our newfound “friends”. They gave a portion of money to cover their order (but not enough!!). But it wasn’t the bill I was regretful about, it was having a lovely dinner and not being able savor it or enjoy it that much because we were with strangers. :(

At one strange point in the meal, IT Guy’s wife tried to make me take her cellphone. IT Guy mentioned he tried to call my boyfriend many times but could not connect. So we just shrugged it off and said, probably a network issue. So then IT Guy’s wife offered her cellphone, saying we should take it so we could communicate with them easily and inexpensively. We declined (inwardly because we did not want any obligations to them!!) saying that we were OK, we had our phones, we could connect to the Malaysian network and all. IT Guy then demonstrated how he could not connect to my boyfriend’s phone and insisted we take their phone. So I then had to whip out my phone to demonstrate I *could* connect and I took his number and made a call, and his phone rang. Ugh, finally! I thought it was over. Then IT Guy’s wife STILL insisted we take their phone, saying that I would rack up such high charges, that it was better if I just use their local phone. I had to spit out that it was fine, I had my company’s phone, if I had to make a call I would not be charged for it. Ugh. That settled the issue. So frustrating to have to decline so many times!

After the dinner, Gim and I mentioned we wanted to go around the mall and look around. That was our exit strategy. But it was 10 pm already, so IT Guy informed us the mall was already closed. They insisted to bring us around the city, and so as not to be rude we let them. For about 30 minutes, they pointed out to us the different areas of interest. We visited Seri Selera (a more famous seafood place that they mentioned was very expensive). Then they wanted to bring us to a fruit stand where we bought some mangosteen and shakes. Then finally they dropped us back to the hotel and we bid (again) our goodbyes. But not with a parting from them of “So, see you again tomorrow for dinner, OK?!”

Needless to say, we made sure the following day to say NO. And spent the next few days at the hotel awkwardly trying not to run in to IT Guy as much as possible (which was hard, since he was often working at the reception desk!). And when we did, we had to ensure to just say NO clearly (but still nicely).

On the very last day, our last “No” to him was to spend New Year’s Eve with him and his wife. What?!

Whew. I think that was the most tiring part of our trip – having to spend time with people we didn’t want to spend time with!

So! Were we just mean / socially inept or was IT Guy very unprofessional?

Firstly, please go and read this article by Josh Weed.

Josh is a homosexual, and is a Mormon, and is happily married to a woman named Lolly, and they have a healthy sex life, and 3 beautiful children.

Josh is not bisexual. He is not sexually attracted to females, only to males. But he believes that every choice entails a sacrifice – for example, if he chose to lead a gay lifestyle he would have to give up the Church; if he chose to live his religion, he would have to give up the ability to have a romantic relationship with his same-sex partner. In the end he felt that there were more benefits to marrying a woman – he believed he would be living a life that God approves of, he would have a traditional biological family of a wife and kids, and he happened to truly love Lolly.

Wow. There are some things Josh and I agree on, and there are some things that we don’t.

Let me discuss my biggest issue with Josh’s decision to marry a woman. It’s that – before he even knew he loved Lolly – he had already decided on the path he wanted to take. He knew he was sexually attracted to men, and yet for the sake of his religious beliefs, he decided to sacrifice his sexual happiness to marry a woman.

I think that love is unconditional – and if God truly loved his people – he would let them be happy and be themselves. If a guy grows up to be only attracted to other guys – he can’t help it. Why should God force him to marry a woman if he could never be fully happy with a woman? If having sex with a woman was difficult or even impossible, why would God impose it on a man? I don’t think God is cruel. I’m a Christian myself but I was taught and I believe that God loves all men and women equally, and so for me all the contradictory things written in the Bible are simply rubbish and should not be paid any heed.

So, in fact, I am very disappointed with how Josh decided to live his life. I think if he had let himself be open to the idea that God would still accept him even if he married a man, he might have married a man instead of a woman. Not that that is the better choice for him, but that I just think he should have tried it, because it was the more natural path for him, being that he was gay. I don’t know if he has regrets now, having made the choice to be with a woman and not a man, but he might have those regrets in the future. I just think he should have tried happiness with a man instead of sacrificing his own natural instincts and eventual happiness for God or religion.

Anyway – THAT ASIDE, do I believe Josh is happy? Do I believe he really loves Lolly? Do I believe he has a robust and healthy sex life with Lolly?

On the sex life front, Josh says that sex is about intimacy, communication, genuine love and affection, and that he has a better sex life than most people he knows.

I don’t know. I think sex is sex, and it’s not about love at all, although I agree love makes for better sex. But how can you have good sex with a person you are not attracted to??? (Josh said in the article that he is not attracted to women.)

I mean, I love my boyfriend very much but when I am not attracted to him (sometimes I am and sometimes I’m not), he can forget about having sex with me, and he can definitely forget about me having an orgasm!! If I am not attracted to him but I am having sex with him (sympathy sex), the only way that I can enjoy the sex (and eventually come) is if I think of a person I am actually attracted to at that very moment. Sorry if TMI but I had to explain what I meant.

So I think Josh is lying about this part – that he has a healthy sex life with Lolly. I don’t doubt that he and Lolly have a robust sex life, but either he is thinking about men while doing it or he is actually bisexual, not gay. I think there is no way around it. Homosexuality, after all, refers to SEXUAL ORIENTATION. If you’re a male homosexual, you derive pleasure from having sex with a male and not a female. Period. So I do not think his sex life with Lolly is healthy at all. As a woman, I would not want my boyfriend or husband to be thinking of another person while having sex with me (I know, so hypocritical of me, but it is what it is!).

On the other point, do I believe that Josh loves Lolly? Yes, I do believe this. If he says that Lolly is his true love, I can believe it. How do I know this?

I have always believed that love is unconditional. When you love someone – it is usually not by choice. And if it is true love, then you love the person for all he is, faults and all.

This issue is so personal to me, because my first love was gay. We loved each other in high school. We were 16 when we fell in love. And we were each other’s first love. I believed he was gay. He denied it. He is still in the closet up to now. He kept telling me he loved me. And I believed him with all my heart. I still do – believe that he loved me.

Today, all that remains between us is friendship. We never did get together, mostly because I felt I could not be with him if he wasn’t true to himself. I kept telling him I loved him for who he was and that I did not want to change him – and by that I meant, if he came out as gay, I would love him just the same – and I would accept him if he still wanted me even after coming out. But he never did come out, and I just felt I could not be with a person like that, who could lie to himself like that. I could never be fully comfortable being in a relationship with him. I would be lying to myself as well.

Sometimes, I doubted – no, feared – that he might not love me truly. Add the fact that my friends felt he was gay too, made me feel even smaller because nobody could understand the relationship I had with that person. Looking back, I knew he loved me. In hindsight, I have no doubt.

So yes, I believe Josh and Lolly truly love each other. It happened to me.

And lastly, do I believe that Josh is happy? I think he is. He has a beautiful wife, and beautiful children, and the moral support of his Church, and I think that he feels fulfilled having things go so right for him, in the end.

I am happy for Josh and I am happy that he and Lolly are real, and not a myth. It validates my belief that what I shared with my friend was true love, and what a relief to know that I am not alone.

So count me in, Club Unicorn. :-)

Update 6/10/12:
I just wanted to add and clarify, that I am not in approval of Josh and Lolly’s relationship as a template for myself or other people. If I had to make the decision I made about my friend all over again, now knowing it could work out like Josh and Lolly, I would still end it. Because I deserve a relationship where my man both loves me and lusts me. It’s my right as a woman.

I’m not fond of watches, a Bulova watch to me is same as any other. So it was surprising to know that guys actually like watches!

I found this out when an officemate of mine urged me to buy a watch for my boyfriend as a gift. I asked him, “Would you really like a watch for yourself on your special day?” and his answer was an honest “Yeah!!”.

I asked my boyfriend too, well, later on, if he liked receiving or buying watches. And he replied in the affirmative too.

And here I thought that it was just one of those things you buy a guy if you don’t know what to buy for him!! My mother once bought my boyfriend an expensive watch from Hong Kong and I just dismissed it as a random gift. But he was so happy when he got it, and it’s his favorite watch to wear on formal occasions up to now. So I guess mothers know best after all! Hahah. :P

I wish I had gold bars for the holidays. As it is I’ve been spending money like water ever since I came home for Christmas! This has more to do with me realizing how cheaper restaurant prices are in my hometown compared to the big city! Thus, I keep eating out. Overall I have been spending so merrily I think in just one week I’ve burnt through my 13th month pay already!!!

Anyway. It’s Christmas! Wow, how the year flew! Nothing much has changed in my life, but a lot certainly has in Gim’s, and somehow I mark the changes this year by the events in his life.

In February of this year, he took the medical boards in Cebu and passed. The week before his exams, he pre-celebrated with me in Manila, and after his exams came back to me and spent a few weeks just bumming around.

He went back to Zamboanga and started working as an on-call GP across the major hospitals, for about a month or so. By April, he had enough time and money to come visit me in Manila. Spent a fun week with me, and went back home. After one day of being back in Zamboanga, he missed me SO much that he decided to be with me for good and so he went back to Manila. Haha. :) Best decision he ever made this year!

Around this time, I changed teams at work and started working nights to support Europe, North/Latin America and Asian regions due to the global nature of my job. It was tough at first but I got used to it after a few weeks. The one thing I like about it is being able to go shopping early afternoon during weekdays, when there aren’t that many people in the malls. :)

End of May, Gim landed a job at UP PGH as a researcher. Not his dream job but he craved the idea of belonging to such a prestigious institution. After a few months, he was bummed out because the job was more menial than he thought, he was doing jobs that a PR person might do, and decided that he needed to find a more suitable job (for his degree).

I urged him to enter residency, because I had never liked him joining UP PGH, and did my best to dissuade him from entering corporate medicine. He applied to a wide range of jobs. By September, he was accepted as an ear-nose-throat surgery resident at Ospital ng Maynila, and I was THRILLED for him. He was beyond ecstatic. :)

Oh, and by this time, another new thing was that we had moved from our shared condo with two college friends, since the lease was up. We decided to get our own place, and rented an old apartment in the residential part of Makati. It was equal parts near his work and mine. Good thing too I got a raise since it was pretty expensive furnishing everything in our two-storey house! :)

And that’s how my 2011 went. See what I meant by the time being mostly marked by Gim? :) I didn’t travel much this year, but Gim and I did spend a lot more time together than the past six years. I foresee lesser and lesser travels as Gim’s job keeps him really busy. But it also means I am more available to friends, and I am hoping to be able to make travel plans with my friends, by myself, and not as a buy-one-take-one half of a couple.

A friend of mine once asked on Twitter why some people suddenly become a “we” and seem to lose their individuality once they become a couple. I think that I am one of these people. :P But I don’t want to be. And maybe in 2012 I can get some of that Flisha-ness back.

Wish me luck. :)

When buying gifts for Gim, I usually think of giving him funny shirts or khaki shorts. I’m super bad at giving presents!

I read somewhere that it’s actually better for benefactors to ask their beneficiaries what they wanted, rather than to buy something spontaneous and hope for the best. As a gift-receiver, I definitely appreciate getting what I asked for! So I tried my best to gather what Gim wanted for his birthday in November.

I got a lot of good advice from friends! A watch, the complete Games of Thrones collection, a Kindle, etc. I was going to go by those, until the afternoon of his birthday I came across an email that the 4th book of the Eragon series (Inheritance) was out! I knew Gim had been waiting for the last book for two whole years so I knew that was the perfect gift!! He was ELATED when he got my gift! Sometimes, you just get lucky! :)

I also got him another thing – Crocs. It was the practical gift. He’s on his feet 24/7 (being a surgery resident with 36-to-48-hour shifts) and he definitely needed some comfortable and easy-to-slip-out-of shoes. So that was another good gift, because he’d hinted at it before though jokingly.

Anyway, point is, the best gifts are the ones well thought of. I’m not the most thoughtful girl, and I definitely admire those friends who take a lot of time to create or pick out gifts for people. If there’s one thing I wish for in 2012, it’s to be a lot more thoughtful, and kind, and generous. :)

What’s YOUR wish?

My boyfriend’s relative is selling a newly bought car for about 400k PHP (about 9000 USD). I wish I had the cash to buy it, because my family definitely needs a new automobile. Out old jeep is so rusty, dirty and downtrodden that I once slapped the front seat and it blew up tons of dust and dog hair!!! Ew.

But if I were to buy a vehicle, I think I’d go with a motorhome, so I can live a totally mobile life! Moving from one place to another, life would be spent a city a month. As long as I get free RV insurance too, since I think a motorhome is way easier to break into than a house.

I just don’t know how reasonable that would be in an island country like mine. Maybe I would be on a RORO boat (roll-on-roll-off) most of the time!

Maybe it’s time to move to another country? :P

Right now he’s probably in his lengthy white lab coat, dashing to and fro, attending patient after patient, furiously scribbling on charts, getting tests done, and overall being the busy, busy doctor that he is.

It’s like every single day since he got into the ENT (ear-nose-throat) residency program. Except today is quite special. Today is November 11, 2011. 11-11-11. A binary date. A symmetric date. This day only happens once every century, and given the average human lifespan, well we can say it happens just once in a lifetime. :)

But that’s not what makes it special. What makes it especially special is that today is the day that my beautiful boyfriend was born, 28 years ago!

I just want to say a few words about him. The one and only love of my life. He never stops smiling. He’s always cheerful. Always so sweet. He’s like a puppy, even if you ignore him and even if you scold him and even if you take away his candy and even if you turn away from him, once you look back, he’s all cute and lovely and wanting to please and so willing to forgive, that you can’t hold a grudge on him and you just give up and love him all the more.

Nobody is perfect, and Gim is definitely NOT! (I could list all his flaws but they would be pages long and oh, this is not the day for looking for faults haha!) But he is perfect for ME. He is the everlasting cheer to my sourpuss, he is the ever optimistic to my pessimistic, he is the let’s-get-up-get-it-done-hyper-active to my laidback-let’s-just-stay-in-bed-tive. He’s my polar opposite but also the person most similar to me, who likes everything I like, and who understands me through and through.

He’s the kind of guy that makes you actually believe in love everlasting. Truth be told, I have no idea why he still likes me. Physically and emotionally I’ve changed so much from the carefree young girl he once fell hopelessly in love with. But somehow when he looks at me, he sees me as I see myself. I’ve never met a guy like him. Who meets his first love at the age of eighteen and despite the many other beautiful women who come into his life, keeps loving her day after day? I always wonder and half-expect that someday in the future things won’t be so rosy. But he always looks at me as though I’m crazy for thinking such impossible thoughts and he always takes my insecurities in stride and he never tires of dealing with all my moody and crazy.

The Harlequin novels of old describe men so wonderful and perfect that most of us women grow up wanting – and expecting – the impossible. I’ve since learned those men don’t exist except on paper. But an everlasting love does. And that’s what Gim is, to me.

To my Gim, I love you, always and forever!

I’m not living in some big steel building anymore, so I can grow flowers as I please!

My mother came over a several weeks ago and needed some company to go buy orchids. I volunteered my boyfriend. Hey! I’m a working girl. :) And at the time, my boyfriend was temporarily unemployed. He had just resigned from his job as a clinic researcher and had a week’s time to prepare documents so he could go into residency – as he had just been accepted to become an EENT (eye-ear-nose-throat) surgery resident! (Yes! Exciting! Just like Grey’s Anatomy! Without the sex. I hope.)

Anyway. Going back to the orchids. So, Gim went with my mom. Really, she was just looking for someone to carry the orchids and crates for her, so it was much better I sent him. :P When Gim came home, he was bringing me flowers!! And not the cut ones, but potted ones! So thoughtful!!!!! That is why I love him. :P Aside from him being exceedingly cute and smiley. :)

I do love flowers. Cut, potted, hanging, on the ground, on a tree, in between books… lol. I love them, in any shape or form. You couldn’t go wrong giving me flowers. :)

But I especially like flowers I can keep and APPRECIATE for a long, long time!!! I do hate to watch flowers wilt and die. So, potted flowers = perfect!

Funny!! I haven’t even told you what KIND of flowers they were. Well. They were chrysanthemums. Two yellow bushes, and one violet, is what he got me. And the following day he bought me a bag of rich topsoil and a big long pot to put my flowers in. Wonderful!

So here they are, my glorious flowers!

I don’t send holiday cards.

When I was younger, I used to. My dad had several brothers and sisters in the States so he would let me write some of the cards. My mom had friends in other cities, so I would help her out some too. I myself loved to go out and buy cards for my friends! Even though we saw each other everyday in class, it was the thing to do. Just like in Valentine’s day, you sent out cards to your loved ones. :)

It was quite fun. I grew up in a small town and we only had a handful of shops, the cards were very limited but I could spend hours just looking for that one card that summed up perfectly what I wanted to say to my mom, my dad, my siblings, my friends, and especially that friend you liked but you hadn’t let on you liked him, and you wanted the card to subtly hint you liked him a little more than he thought. :)

Wasn’t it a giddy feeling? That Christmas joy, the exquisite satisfaction of preparing handmade gifts and painstakingly handwriting cards… It seemed there were so many parties, events, and most of all, friends.

One of my most favorite memories was creating a Christmas parol made out of native materials. It was a group task, and my groupmates were my best friends Chris and Brian. We’d been so busy that we hadn’t time to create the parol, but we’d gathered all the materials – wood bark, shells, bamboo, etc. It was the day before submission of the parol, and we’d agreed to meet at my house to finish the parol. I was waiting at home, when the lights went out!! And it was raining so hard and heavy!! My poor friends arrived soaked to the bone and it was pitch dark outside!!! The poor things!!! I hastily ushered them in and lent them my clothes, and since all I had were girl clothes, I lent them my gender-neutral school shirts instead. To this day, I don’t think they ever returned them to me. Hahaha! We spent the entire night just working on that parol, and gossiping, in candlelight, with the storm brewing outside. And taking silly pictures with my old film camera. It was one of my most favorite nights. :) And the Christmas parol turned out beautiful, thank you very much! :)

How I miss the sense of caring of the old days. Back then, it seemed I could feel so much more, love so much. Maybe because it was a carefree time, I could care so much more. Now, with all the stresses of work and bills, bills, bills, I think I’m spent. All out of care. That makes me feel so sad.

Someone teach me how to care again.

I think I need a receipt printer. Why??

Well.

My company has a nice benefit. They will reimburse me my transportation fees if I go home in the evening. My shift is pretty wonky. I start out at 4pm and my day ends around 1am. So I sure qualify for the reimbursement, provided I furnish the receipt. No problem, right?!

Wrong! The thing is, taxis are always OUT OF RECEIPTS!! And to think the official taxi receipt printers were only handed out late last year. It seems like all the taxis I board are always out of receipt paper, or their printers are jammed, or broken, or something. I could write out a manual receipt, get the taxi’s details like company / driver / license plate / amount / location / etc. And then I’d get the driver to sign the thing. But really – that takes time and more often than not, I am too tired to even bother. So when the taxi driver starts to give me that sheepish look and prepares his lame excuse, I just sigh and let it go.

If I had my own taxi printer, though, I’d just plug in the data cable, and voila, I’m halfway to reimbursement!

If only!